


When You Know

by TheHumanRat



Series: Love After War [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: And I'm not sorry, Daryl is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 06:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17381462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHumanRat/pseuds/TheHumanRat
Summary: "When you know, you know." - Daryl's dad had been blind drunk and talking about a dead woman when he said it, and up until recently, Daryl had thought it was bullshit.//ORDaryl is gay and he needs to come to terms with it.





	When You Know

_"When you know, you know."_

Daryl's dad had been blind drunk and talking about a dead woman when he said it, and up until recently, Daryl had thought it was bullshit.

A lot of the things his dad said were bullshit, a lot of the things Merle said were bullshit too. The way they spat out slurs and hated with all their hearts, Daryl doesn't want any part in that now. Dixon's have small hearts, they don't let many people in but once someone's in there, they're stuck. Daryl knows that's true, but he also knows that just because you don't let someone in, doesn't mean you have to hate them.

The end of the world is supposed to be a bad thing. Everyone is always complaining about it like the world wasn't always goddamn awful. They say it like Daryl is supposed to be upset about the people he's lost and not just happy about the people he's gained. Daryl cried for a long time after he killed the reanimated corpse of his brother, but not because of loss. It might have even been a relief.

He loved Will and Merle, nothing is ever going to take that away. They just never loved him, not as he needed them to. Not unconditionally. The end of the world brought him people that loved him, unconditionally. He doesn't like watching people lose their loved ones, but he can't say he'd go back and stop the end of the world either.

Tara is one of the best people he knows, she's got her own room in Daryl's tiny heart and she's gay. When Aaron kissed Eric, Daryl was the only person in the room to turn away, no-one else cared. If Judith grew up and liked girls, Daryl knows it wouldn't make him angry. He'd still love her like his own. So, a lot of the things his dad said were bullshit and the gay thing must have been one of them.

Daryl has been with a few girls, it gets exhausting being hounded by your brother in the end. Sarah. Katie. Jenny. He's not sure if Melissa really counts, but he kissed her. He figured in the end that he just wasn't interested in getting his dick wet, and he might never fall in love like his dad did with his mom. He was okay with that.

He didn't even really know if he believed in love, not the real kind of love that his dad described. Will only ever spoke about Daryl's mom when he was drunk.

He'd say hurtful things.

_"I ain't never loved you, Daryl, not until I saw how much she loved you."_

He'd say ridiculous things.

_"She could only have been an angel. Nothing else makes sense."_

He'd say true things.

_"She was too good for this world, and far too good for me."_

But the thing that Daryl has been thinking about recently is when his dad had been laying on the floor in their trailer. There was some combination of moonshine and drugs in his bloodstream but he seemed lucid enough when he grinned at Daryl and said, "Your mother told me to stop chasing her once. But when you know, you know."

_"When you know, you know."_

The apocalypse hadn't given him much time for introspection either. So even after he had lost the harsh words of his family, it's not like he had time to test the waters of things that were and weren't okay. He found out things that were bullshit, like how T-Dog was the kindest man he ever knew and him being black had literally no effect on that. Like how Maggie is the strongest person he's known in his whole life, and her being a woman doesn't affect that.

The walls are up around him and if there's any time for introspection it's now. Being gay isn't a crime, it doesn't make you weak or lazy or weird or bad. Daryl knows that and he has no problem with people being gay if they want to be, there isn't a problem here. Except there is one small problem.

_"When you know, you know."_

Daryl thinks he might know. He's incredibly sure that he knows actually. So he goes to Tara, which is a mess because she doesn't understand what he's trying to tell her. He spends an hour trying to tell her that he likes someone and he shouldn't and suddenly Tara thinks he likes Maggie. Which, is weird and gross and Maggie is like his sister, so he gives up on Tara. He gives up on the whole thing actually.

Because, the point wasn't **who** he felt feelings for, the point was that the person he felt feelings for- Well, Tara was just really off the mark. So far off the mark that Daryl is sitting on his porch and he wants to laugh because she thought he liked Maggie, which is mostly funny because why would he go to Tara with that?

Then, Aaron walks past and Daryl forgets all of it because Aaron raises his hand in a wave before carrying on past. He watches the man all the way down the street and smiles to himself, every other thought leaving his mind. Aaron brought them here and then when Daryl still didn't fit in, he invited Daryl into his home. Aaron is the good people that are left in the world, the ones he and Beth used to think didn't exist.

_"When you know, you know."_

"Oh..." Tara says as she comes up the porch steps, looking between Daryl and Aaron who is almost out of view.

Every thought comes flying back at Daryl, and he's reminded that although he's coming to terms with who he is, Aaron very much belongs to someone else. Someone who Daryl is friends with, someone who Daryl likes. Eric had invited him into his home too, half the reason Aaron was even spending so much time with Daryl was that he loved Eric so much that he didn't want him going outside the walls anymore.

He looks up at Tara and shrugs, worst things have happened. Daryl knows.


End file.
